Married life, advise

Advise topic: Fighting in your relationship

 

I’d like to first start by saying that just because you and your spouse fight does not mean that you are 

A. Not compatible

B. Not happy (or can’t find happiness)

C. Not right for each other

D. In a bad relationship

If you have read any of my previous blogs then you would know that I have been  with my wife for over 7 years… which means we have had ALOT of fights… we’re talking tons of fights! Some of them were over small things and some of them were much bigger. Some made us question things and others lead us to really learn not only about each other but about ourselves and grow from it.

I am happy to report that we have worked very hard to get to a place where our fighting is truly at an all time low. Now that doesn’t mean that we don’t still have disagreements because we totally do. However we do our best to resolve our issues using some tools that we have learned along the way. And I’m happy to be sharing these tips with you!

Tip #1: Don’t sweat the small stuff

I unfortunately am not particularly known for following this tip… I am a drama queen by nature. And because of that I would constantly find myself causing or starting unnecessary fights. It took time but I slowly started to realize after many fights and many talks after fights that it was time for me to look at myself and see that I was being very sensitive and overly emotional and figure out that I needed to work on that. Now to clarify if your partner is deliberately doing things to hurt you (emotionally, physically, mentally or otherwise) this is NOT  the small stuff and you have every right to remove yourself from that situation. What I’m referring to is your partner playfully joking with you, someone forgetting to text when arrived at a destination, not being able to get off of work to attend an event… things that perhaps warrant a conversation but not a blowout fight. 

Tip #2: Pick your battles

So this tip correlates with tip #1. What I mean by “pick your battles” is this… being in a relationship is NOT easy all of the time. Fusing two individuals lives can be a very difficult thing. And there will be things that you don’t agree on, and that is OK! However I have learned that there are things worth fighting for and then there are things we just need to get over. A great example of this would be if your partner has a hobby or a piece of furniture or a friend that you really, really don’t like, but makes your loved one very happy. You need to decide if arguing over this person place or thing is really worth potentially causing problems in your relationship. I get it… sometimes we just want to be in control… of everything… but I think its important to stop and think to ourselves is there a way for us to make it so that we can both be happy? Can we decide that the recliner that I think is an eye sore goes in the “man cave”, or that your only going to play video games until our show comes on so we can have time together, or you can hang out with that friend who I find really annoying but understand that I just don’t want to tag along. What I’m getting at here is not every disagreement has to be a fight… I’m also not telling you what you should and should not fight about. But consider this next time you find yourself disagreeing with your partner… do I want to fight over this or can we come to a compromise?

Tip #3: Communication

Now I do realize this is an obvious one… but I do think it’s also an easy one to mess up. I think a lot of times communication issues are the biggest issues in relationships but also some of the easiest to fix! What is important however to remember is that we are not mind-readers… if you feel some type of way it is important to share that. Don’t assume that just because you think one way your partner is going to automatically feel the same way. Be open with one another, say what you mean and do it in a way where both people feel heard, understood and respected. This was not always easy in my relationship but over time we have learned that if one of us feels hurt or misunderstood or disrespected by the other we address it. We make time for healthy, honest conversations and we apologize if we have hurt the other. If this is something you’re struggling with in your relationship try finding a designated time during your day when you can touch base with each other (my wife and I do this right before bed, we call it “pillow talk” lol) that way you know if there is something you want to get off your chest you have a safe time and space to do so. 

 

Relationships are not always easy but they are so so worth it, if you can find a partner in this life to bring you joy, comfort, support and love! I hope these tips for how to help end unnecessary fighting in your relationship help you! Thank you for reading!

 

xoxo Erin 

 

Happy Pride Month!

Being that today is the first day of pride month, I wanted to share some of my favorite memories of my love and I over the last 7 1/2 years.

img_5645.jpgimg_5660img_5658.jpgimg_5647-e1527906546439.jpgimg_5657.jpgimg_5649.jpgimg_5642img_5656.jpg

img_5650

 

never never never be afraid to be who you are

everybody deserves love

you are worth it

do not be ashamed

it gets better

you are not alone

I am so very proud of my love story and you should be too!

Happy pride month!

xoxo Erin

 

 

find what makes you happy

Today I am bringing you another installment of #motivationmonday and reminding you to

FIND WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY AND DO IT EVERYDAY

Unfortunately in the world we live in passion and happiness come second to money and success. And while it is very important to be successful and have enough money to pay your bills and live an enjoyable life, I think a lot of times we lose track of the things that really matter along the way.

I will use myself as an example…

Growing up I had a HUGE passion for performing… dance, singing, acting, making people laugh, I loved it all. And because I was incredibly blessed with a mother who encouraged her children to do what they loved I was able to pursue this passion for many years. I took voice lessons and dance classes I went to theater camps and performed in and out of school. I went away to intensive dance workshops to work with famous choreographers and I got to perform in countless recitals, theater productions and concerts. If you would have asked me as a child what I wanted to do when I grew up I most definitely would have told you something to do with music and performing. Unfortunately for me once I graduated high school and began my journey to adulthood my responsibilities became grater and my opportunities to do what I truly loved became less and less. I felt a lot of pressure to go to college (even though I didn’t have the slightest idea what I wanted to do) and I felt a lot of pressure to work so that I could buy a car and pay a phone bill and car insurance and have a social life and all the other things that you become responsible for after you turn 18. And before I knew it I found myself working 2 jobs going to school (and not doing very well) and leaving the things that made me happiest in my past. Fast forward to now 10 years later I never finished my college degree and I have yet to figure out what I truly want to do with my life. I, like the rest of us have so many responsibility’s now that after work and bills and taking care of a home and a partner and everything else we all have going on there is no time left for our passion.

Does this sound at all familiar?

Doesn’t it kind of suck?

 

At the beginning of the year I did something that I always wanted to do and was always to scared to do… I took a leap of faith 🙂 And with no real plan I quit my job! I decided that I was sick of working 40+ hours a week in a job where I just wasn’t very happy. I was stressed I was overworked I was overwhelmed and it made my day-to-day life completely not enjoyable!!! I never saw my family, my friends, I had no hobbies, I had no time or energy to do any of the things that used to bring me so much joy. Quitting my job allowed me to change my life so that I could begin to find passion and joy and do things that made me happy!  I let go of the idea that my only purpose in life was to work for a paycheck. 

Now I am NOT suggesting you quit your job (my example is a bit extreme) but what I am suggesting is for you to take a look at your life and ask yourself

Am I happy?

Am I fulfilled?

Do I want more our of this life?

And if you are not happy, not fulfilled and want more out of this life than make a change!!!

 

It can be big changes, it can be small additions to your normal routine, it can be trying new things, it can be revisiting passions from your past, it doesn’t matter what it is all that matters is that you do it!

And while maybe for now you don’t love your job or you don’t love your living situation or you don’t love everything about your life…

And maybe right now those aren’t things you can change…

But

What you can do is figure out the things that make you happy and do those things 

every. single. day

 

xoxo Erin